Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Single Awareness Day

I was actually looking forward to Valentine's Day this year. I wasn't really thinking about the fact that I'm still single and don't have a significant other to "Love" this year. I was actually thinking of all the great people in my life who I love so much. I have a great family, great friends, a job (as boring as it is sometimes). I was really looking at this day as almost a day of thanksgiving. Who needs to be in a relationship to love Valentine's Day.

I'm sitting at work feeling all happy and satisfied with life when I get a text from my sister. The test went something like this:

Kami: "What is the difference between you and a calendar?"
Me: "A calendars has dates :( "
Kami: "Happy Valentines day!! We love you!"

While yes I can appreciate the humor of it, deep down you kind of feel like a failure at life in  your families eyes. My family had never been one to give me a hard time about being single until I went home for Christmas last year. I swear we couldn't go anywhere without them pointing out all every single man we came across. Example: we went to the temple and there was a single guy in the session. My mom pointed him out to me several times during the session and my sister pushed towards him at one point. Dad had a guy from my parents ward that he was trying to arrange to have come meet up with us in Illinois when we went to Lincoln's home there. At the hockey game, my sister was looking at the roster of all the players to see who was single and what their ages were.

I appreciate the concern for me and the help they are trying to bring, deep down it kind of stings. I start to doubt myself and my worth as a daughter who cannot give her parents what they truly want. Grandkids! Trust me, I want to be married with a family and raise kids. I have had moments when I've gone to church, looked around at all the couples and felt like a rejected daughter of God. It's hard to be happy in a church that focuses so much on family. Singles wards are not the place to go for a self esteem boost. I leave every week feeling more alone sometimes than I do uplifted. I'm working on changing my perspective of Sunday worship from being one of going to church to see friends and try to find a date for the week (since that has not worked in the 6 years I've been at Langley), to going to church for Him and building my relationship with Christ.

Being single for as long as I have has not been easy and has caused me to shed many tears in my time. Having this reminder thrown at you by those you love only makes it harder.

But don't you fret. I didn't let this get me down that day. Instead I took to my online friend Pinterest and created a board called Every Single Day. I found every possible quote about being single I could find. This actually cheered me up quite a bit reading all the fun quotes and comebacks of other single people in the world.

Here are some of my favorites

Happy Valentine's

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