At this point in my life I want you to know that I know I am a daughter of God and that he loves me. I also know that I have family who loves me. I have friends who wee there for me to support me and love me. But because I did not love myself it was hard to always believe that what others wee telling me was true. I couldn't believe that other people could love seen since I did not love myself and most of that came from a physical appearance which also is connected to an emotional mentality. I truly believed that I was a rejected daughter of God. I haven't dated anyone in 8 years and while I have had several guy friends I was not dating any of them and I believed it was because of my weight that caused my lack of dating opportunities. Now. While I wanted to lose weight because I thought it would make me more attractive to men. I didn't want to do this in an unhealthy way. There were other things in my life that I needed to find happiness and fulfillment in as well.
Sister Wood introduced me to a program called Take Shape For Life. It teaches you principles to take care of your body not just with the food you eat but the mentality of how you eat, why you eat, giving yourself plenty of rest, water etc. I felt that this program was going to be challenging but worth the effort. What has surprised me the most is how easy it has actually been for me and I know that is because the Lord has been helping me along and given me the strength to stick to the program. I have stuck to this habit of healthy eating and taking care of myself for 4 months now. I have lost over 4lbs in what seems like such a short amount of time. I feel great! I have so much more energy and confidence than I have had in a long time. I am wearing sizes that I never thought I would be buying again. People are telling all the time how good I am looking and I know they are right because I believe it. I have now learned to love myself which allows me to believe that others love me as well. I think that is key. If you don't love yourself you will never believe what others say about you.
But now there is a new trial that I am dealing with that no one tells you about when you lose weight. How do you change your mindset of seeing the "fat" girl in the mirror that you have seen for so long and see the beautiful healthy person you are now? I've been the fat girl for so long that my mind still sees itself sometimes as that person still. Even as I look in the mirror and see how much better I look and skinnier I am my mind doesn't know how to register it I find myself sinking back into that mentality of seeing myself as someone who is fat.
How do you train your mind to think differently. Being healthy and losing weight is not just measured by numbers on a scale. It is actually changing the way your mind thinks about your image as well. You have to learn how to look at yourself in the mirror and see the changes you have been making and really feel it in your heart as well. The connection of what your head thinks and your feels need to align with each other if you are really going to believe in the changes you have been making both physically and mentally to really understand the emotional change you have been taking.
While I am still struggling with making this mental change in the way I think about my appearance to connect with what I know is true about how I really look; I will continue to seek the guidance of the spirit to help me . One thing I will say through all of this is that I no longer believe that I am a rejected daughter of God. I truly believe that he loves me because I have learned to love myself. I believe people now when they tell me that am of worth because I have accepted this of myself as well. So maybe this is the answer. Know your worth. Embrace your worth. Feel your worth and know that you are loved.
